tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59385312011-10-30T11:06:30.263-07:00The antics of a thick necked manMr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.comBlogger1071100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1163198973478474502006-11-10T14:46:00.000-08:002006-11-10T14:49:33.490-08:00

Hey...My friend needs a kidney.If anyone knows where I could find one; let me know.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1159546318430630802006-09-29T09:10:00.000-07:002006-09-29T09:11:58.446-07:00

You've heard of Jack in the Box. But have you heard of shit in the box.I'll explain later...

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1158596464061792352006-09-18T09:19:00.000-07:002006-09-18T09:31:06.023-07:00

I can't recall Friday. What happened? I have three holes in my arm, my ass is sore, and the tell me I don't have colon cancer. So I guess I got that going for me.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1157561068809465912006-09-06T09:29:00.000-07:002006-09-06T09:44:29.560-07:00

I've been going house shopping with the wife the last couple of weeks. Geeeeez houses are expensive. Now I know why Lex Luther is always trying to fiendishly take ocean front property. I make a descent living and so does my wife. But the moorage payments are just stupid. I don't know how people can afford them. It sucks. Over 1/2 a million dollars for a bungalow in Southern California. I should

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1155843116794657582006-08-17T12:29:00.000-07:002006-08-17T12:31:56.806-07:00

Are you ready for some FOOOOTTTTBBBAAAALLLLLL !!!!!I love this game. Give me a beer and some hot wings and all is right with the world.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1155076255107432172006-08-08T15:21:00.000-07:002006-08-08T15:30:55.130-07:00

I've been going to the gym to work out.But I don't think it's working out.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1154024246663877612006-07-27T11:10:00.000-07:002006-07-27T11:17:26.796-07:00

Just got back from the family vacation. Spent a couple of days with the parents in Prescott,Az. Then went up to the Grand Canyon. That is the largest crack I've seen since...(insert vulgar comment involving butt crack here).It really was spectacular. Everyone should go out and see it at least once. About 200 miles long and 18 miles across. Wow. Pictures just don't capture the vastness.10 hour

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1148663709515807062006-05-26T10:11:00.000-07:002006-05-26T10:23:39.783-07:00

Why is it so inappropriate to fart during an office meeting. Doesn't everyone fart. I do live in the Mexican-food capital of the United States. Those beans have got to eventually reek havoc on the lower intestate after a while. Geez. It's not like I aimed toward anyone. I didn't say hold on to your hat; and then let one go or anything. Most of it burnt up in the atmosphere anyhow. No odd residual

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1148422580763855132006-05-23T15:15:00.000-07:002006-05-23T15:16:20.776-07:00

Marriages are all happy. It's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1147275486803905312006-05-10T08:36:00.000-07:002006-05-10T08:38:06.816-07:00

All I want to do is sleep. Clean sheets; open window; gentle breeze.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1146253270458236912006-04-28T12:35:00.000-07:002006-04-28T12:43:31.023-07:00

Hey I just got my first tattoo this week. A 4-leaf clover about the size of a silver dollar on my right shoulder. The picture is just a representation, mine is a little different.I need all the luck I could get.Now I can wear my wife beater T-shirt and boss my wife around. COOK ME MY DAMN CHICKEN POT PIE!!!!

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1145641554141856202006-04-21T10:26:00.000-07:002006-04-21T11:01:38.473-07:00

My wife got FREE tickets to see Lionel Richie at the Staples Center. The Staples Center held a Free (by invitation only) concert for their season ticket holders and since her office has season tickets for the Lakers, Clippers, Kings, and the concert series they were provided with 4 tickets, of which we got two. 18th row, catered dinner, cocktails and premier parking.So last night we had the

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1143225474250485912006-03-24T10:17:00.000-08:002006-03-24T10:41:18.676-08:00

Four jobs I've had1. Shoe Salesman2. Parks and Recreation3. Operations Manager4. Male jigaloFour movies I'ld watch over and over1. Raider of the Lost Ark2. Star Wars3. Rudy4. GlitterFour places I've lived 1. Long Beach, Ca2. Fullerton, Ca3. Anaheim, Ca4. Downey, CaFour TV shows I love to watch1. LOST2. Smallville3. Westwing4. Joey (just kiding nobody likes that show)Four websites I visit daily 1.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1143137001953800102006-03-23T10:01:00.000-08:002006-03-23T10:03:21.963-08:00

Ladykiller - The VandalsMr. Playboy, Sir Weasel, Poppin Snake, and Mr. Cool - Went down to the boulevard to play their ass some pool - Illa Zilla, Illa Zilla, Illa Zilla - Lady Killer - Illa Zilla, Illa Zilla, Illa Zilla - Lady Killer - I'mfa for, I'mfa for, I'mfa dancin' wit you - Here go one, here go one, here go one, woooo - Mr. Flashdance, Old Bufu, Man Sam, and Doctor Boots - Came down from

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1143134309131987992006-03-23T09:11:00.000-08:002006-03-23T09:20:51.296-08:00

If it's offensive for native American images to be used as mascot's for sports teams; then why are the Irish not offended by the Boston Celtic's or the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. I'll tell you why, because the Irish aren't a bunch of pussies.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1142019281828137972006-03-10T11:23:00.000-08:002006-03-10T11:34:41.836-08:00

I drove down and saw Kip in San Diego. It was just like old times. I was expecting to go out and paint the town. Have a few beers and get kicked out of a bar or two. But Kip was feeling a little under the weather and was probably mentally preparing for the flight to China the next day. We ended up just staying in and talking all night. Mostly bad/off-colored jokes. You know about farts or poop(

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1141060436517889682006-02-27T09:10:00.000-08:002006-02-27T09:21:17.623-08:00

I spent my childhood watching Don Knotts on TV. From re-run's of "The Andy Griffith Show" to "Three's Company" to "The Incredible Mr. Limpet".He's a comical genius and will be missed.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1140461712926858722006-02-20T10:54:00.000-08:002006-02-24T13:51:50.140-08:00

Your Five Factor Personality ProfileExtroversion:You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.Conscientiousness:You have high conscientiousness.Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.Most things in your life are organized and planned

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1138988978749199192006-02-03T09:48:00.000-08:002006-02-03T09:49:38.760-08:00

I have the flu. I've lost 5lbs in two days. It sucks. All those drugs and no party.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1136586589063011052006-01-06T14:24:00.000-08:002006-01-06T14:29:49.073-08:00

I gave them up for the New Year..... What was I thinking. I'm already going through withdrawal for a slab of meat and cheese on greasy bread. That's like 3 of the basic food groups. Fat, salt, caffeine, and sugar.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1136572900216915432006-01-06T10:34:00.000-08:002006-01-06T10:41:40.226-08:00

Now that she’s back in the atmosphereWith drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, heyShe acts like summer and walks like rainReminds me that there’s time to change, hey, heySince the return from her stay on the moonShe listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, heyTell me did you sail across the sunDid you make it to the milky way to see the lights all fadedAnd that heaven is overratedTell me,

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1136317876237854672006-01-03T11:50:00.000-08:002006-01-31T13:01:04.246-08:00

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: BeatlesAre you female or male: I wanna be your manDescribe yourself: Don’t bother meHow do some people feel about you: The fool on the hillHow do you feel about yourself: Magical mystery tourDescribe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Day TripperDescribe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: She’s a womanDescribe where you want to be:

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1136315568295698942006-01-03T10:56:00.000-08:002006-01-03T11:12:48.333-08:00

Partied in Arizona over the new year. Next time you're in a bar order a Chilled Shot of Patron. Very tasty. The best tequila I've ever had. We were at a little country bar with a band playing. Two-stepped a little with the old lady and had a few shots and a few beers out of a mason jar. I was in hick heaven. Should of brought my hat and boots. There aren't to many placed down in Socal that I can

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1134760855764483212005-12-16T11:19:00.000-08:002005-12-16T11:20:55.776-08:00

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."—Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005"But Iraq has—have got people there that are willing to kill, and they're hard-nosed killers. And we will work with the Iraqis to secure their future." —April 28, 2005"It's in our country's interests to find those who would

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1134594643032730732005-12-14T13:01:00.000-08:002005-12-14T13:10:43.043-08:00

This will be Allison's second Christmas but the first that she realizes that anything is going on. Kimberly is 5 and is very excited about Santa. It is awesome seeing the magic of Christmas through the eyes of a child. It makes the holiday season more enjoyable; new again. I get a little chocked up just reading bed time stories like the night before Christmas, the polar express, and the other

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1134426110786139172005-12-12T14:19:00.000-08:002005-12-12T14:21:50.796-08:00

I eat like a bird. Twice my body weight every day. Must have more pie!Is it wrong to have pizza for dinner with a cup of egg nog.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1131739518618898742005-11-11T12:01:00.000-08:002005-11-11T12:05:18.626-08:00

Taco Bell for Lunch yesturday.Chicken Chili for dinner.A few after work adult beverages.French onion soup for lunch today.Meatballs during the game.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1130438277826481262005-10-27T11:31:00.000-07:002005-10-27T11:53:21.693-07:00

I'm gonna give out meatballs to the neighborhood trick-or-treaters.Nothing says happy Halloween like spicy balls of meat.Am I right or am I right!

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1129318911018165662005-10-14T12:40:00.000-07:002005-10-14T12:44:11.283-07:00

"To achieve success, whatever the job we have, we must pay a price." "Success is like anything worthwhile. It has a price. You have to pay the price to win and you have to pay the price to get to the point where success is possible. Most important, you must pay the price to stay there." "Football is a great deal like life in that it teaches that work, sacrifice, perseverance, competitive drive,

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1128451462646794012005-10-04T11:43:00.000-07:002005-10-04T11:44:22.653-07:00

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1127930067094109192005-09-28T10:52:00.000-07:002005-09-28T10:54:27.100-07:00

Weis grants little boy's dying wishAssociated PressSOUTH BEND, Ind. -- Charlie Weis doesn't usually let anyone else call plays on offense. He made an exception for 10-year-old Montana Mazurkiewicz.The Notre Dame coach met last week with Montana, who had been told by doctors weeks earlier that there was nothing more they could do to stop the spread of his inoperable brain tumor."He was a big Notre

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1127507597620204072005-09-23T13:20:00.000-07:002005-09-23T14:15:47.513-07:00

Which of the following statements is true about me (Mr Duck):a) I am 33 years old.b) I have a 33 inch waste.c) I have 33 teeth.d) I own 33 pairs of tighty whitties.e) I have 33 known communicable diseases. KNOWNf) I masturbate 33 times per day.g) I have 33 dollars in my savings account.h) I have taken a 33lb shit within the last 48 hours.i) I have 33 pimples on my left ass cheek.j) I take 33

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1126903186028411872005-09-16T13:38:00.000-07:002005-09-16T13:39:46.033-07:00

There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1125675005399768852005-09-02T08:02:00.000-07:002005-09-02T08:30:05.443-07:00

smoked a cigarettecrashed a friend’s car (brooken but never crashed)stolen a carbeen in lovebeen dumpedshop liftedbeen firedbeen in a fist fightsnuck out of your parent’s househad feelings for someone who didn’t have them backbeen arrested and/or in spent a night in jailgone on a blind datewas a blind datelied to a friendskipped schoolseen someone diehad a crush on one of your internet

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1125526064846786562005-08-31T15:05:00.000-07:002005-08-31T15:12:12.340-07:00

I said it was for my daughter, but you gotta know it was for me.Do not underestimate the power of the dark side. Mr. Potato head Strikes Back.See Kip you are not the only geek.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1125336283109088872005-08-29T10:21:00.000-07:002005-08-29T10:32:03.760-07:00

Just got back from vacation. Sun tanned and relaxed.Gotta love a free week's stay on the lake. Merry Christmas from Mom and Dad!Stayed in my own cabin with the wife and kids. Mom and Dad shared a cabin with John,(significant other) Tanya and Laura. What is better than bacon in the morning, on the lake in the afternoon, and in the casino at night.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1123879876160768252005-08-12T13:50:00.000-07:002005-08-12T13:51:16.166-07:00

Check out my new truck...

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1123270032814938502005-08-05T12:24:00.000-07:002005-08-05T12:31:03.523-07:00

The Perfect Pint!The Perfect Smoke !

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1122064443967001582005-07-22T13:31:00.000-07:002005-08-19T11:40:40.476-07:00

Check it out:http://sweetnsassy.net/sextalk/Is it hot in here?http://bliatz.typepad.com/

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1121452308990592852005-07-15T11:17:00.000-07:002005-07-15T11:36:21.770-07:00

Just got back from a weekend in Mexico. Went down there to do a little deep sea fishing with a guy from work. Didn't catch anything but had a good time. One interesting thing that happened was that we got pulled over by the Federalalies. They looked in our bags and pulled us out of the car looking for drugs, guns and money. These guys carry machine guns. I had to change my underwear when they

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1120754946719888392005-07-07T09:40:00.000-07:002005-07-07T10:30:10.813-07:00

Last night London was attacked by some Islamic terrorist group. Several bombs exploded in the subway system and other public transportation systems. Several people were killed and more still are injured.Now I know that different people have different philosophies and different religions. We all have to follow our hearts and find our own path to God. But, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1116273999944046742005-05-16T13:05:00.000-07:002005-05-16T13:06:39.950-07:00

Stick you nose deep in and the pull my finger.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1114451507291170202005-04-25T10:49:00.000-07:002005-04-25T10:51:47.293-07:00

I just got done seeing a private pre-view of the next Star Wars Movie. I don't want to give any of the plot points away but Anakin Skywalker is really Darth Vadar!

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1107275481242398522005-02-01T08:29:00.000-08:002005-02-01T08:31:21.243-08:00

My ass my ass my ass is on fire!! We don't need no water let the mother fucker burn.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1106597946843382702005-01-24T11:59:00.000-08:002005-01-24T12:19:06.843-08:00

1. Look down before you sit on the crapper. Why is the guys responsibility to put the seat down. Women should put the seat up! I mean how stupid do you have to be to fall into the toilet water night after night. I don't walk into walls because I'm looking were I'm walking; look were you sit. 2. Just because you have a coupon doesn't mean you should buy it. As Dennis Miller once said "two of shit

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1106253241497519182005-01-20T13:33:00.000-08:002005-01-20T12:34:01.496-08:00

EAT MY SHHIIITTT

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1105128994524640722005-01-07T13:15:00.000-08:002005-01-07T12:18:25.926-08:00

Just go away nowI consider myself a tolerant person. I accept the talented and talentless equally. I realize not everyone can sing like Sinatra or Streisand. Usually, I applaud the effort, even if the result is unsatisfactory. On the handful of occasions when I have been at a karaoke bar, I clap my hands supportively for each and every participant, regardless of how pitiful their attempts. That’s

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1105117618441909142005-01-07T09:03:00.000-08:002005-01-07T09:06:58.443-08:00

WHAT THE HELL IS FIGGY PUDDING !!!! and why is it still coming out of me...

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1104425056582188422004-12-30T08:38:00.000-08:002005-01-05T07:14:25.156-08:00

This is a little morbid. But here you go. For those of you who don't know how to play. You pick people who will die next year. Subtract their age from 100. The difference is how many points you get. The person with the most points at the end of the year wins. So if someone on you list dies at age 99, you get 1 point. If someone dies on your list at age 50, you get 50 point. Etc. You get a

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1103737890671076912004-12-22T09:50:00.000-08:002004-12-22T09:51:30.670-08:00

What the hell is Figgy Pudding??

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1101157639648863312004-11-22T13:04:00.000-08:002004-11-22T13:07:19.646-08:00

Possibilities. Hope. Risk.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1099958408319960712004-11-08T15:51:00.000-08:002004-11-08T16:08:31.513-08:00

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside this country" "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure" "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." "The future will be better tomorrow" "We're going to have the best educated American people

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1099426447690631382004-11-02T13:11:00.000-08:002004-11-02T12:17:01.340-08:00

(taking a candy from the office's trick-or-treat basket) Jim-Hey Devin this one's a "fun size" Devin-(laughs) Tina-(looking at Devin with a question on her face) Devin-It's a dick joke Tina-(looking at Jim) don't you know anything other than dick jokes?? Jim-Yea I know shit jokes too!

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1099090046977665522004-10-29T15:46:00.000-07:002004-11-02T12:10:28.863-08:00

I feel so sexy when... ok give me a second. I forget.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1098296722635176212004-10-20T11:20:00.000-07:002004-10-20T11:25:22.636-07:00

I am working as hard as I can today to do absolutely nothing. I am shuffling papers like none has seen before. To look at me; you would think "damn that guys busy!" But no. I am doing nothing. It's like I work for the government or am in a union.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1098293474448695592004-10-20T10:29:00.000-07:002004-10-20T10:31:14.446-07:00

Have you ever sat on your own balls?

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1097691460587851782004-10-13T11:12:00.000-07:002004-10-13T11:17:40.586-07:00

I have to fart I have farted I am farty I am fartier than you I am the fartiest (Can you smell me know?)

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1097691025252244252004-10-13T11:03:00.000-07:002004-10-13T11:10:25.253-07:00

I woke up and I think I hurt my "Pujols" last night.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1097532202163668342004-10-11T14:51:00.000-07:002004-10-11T15:03:22.163-07:00

When did drunken sunburned sex in the shallow end of a friends pool stop? When did an hour's extra sleep become more valuable than sex? Sex in public palace's has lost it's fashion. Intercourse with friend's over became taboo. Why does foreplay begin with; how tired are you? In the car, up the leg of a pair of shorts in a theater, public restrooms, all used to be common place. Now its no place.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1097530616869045682004-10-11T14:36:00.000-07:002004-10-11T14:36:56.870-07:00

I don't get no respect. I joined Gambler's Anonymous. They gave me two to one I don't make it.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1096399976876800852004-09-28T13:26:00.000-07:002004-09-28T12:33:22.950-07:00

Shit !!

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1096312390232138522004-09-27T13:11:00.000-07:002004-09-27T12:13:10.233-07:00

"Can I draw you a beer, Norm?" -- "No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one." "What'll you have, Normie?" -- "Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap." "What's the story, Mr. Peterson?" -- "The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending." "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you." -- "I know, if she calls,

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1096309276669250052004-09-27T11:14:00.000-07:002004-09-27T11:23:54.040-07:00

I have and still use: Shoes 1989 Sandals 1993 Jacket 1988 Boots 1992 Socks 1990 Hair Brush 1987

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1095893318132555192004-09-22T15:35:00.000-07:002004-09-22T15:48:38.133-07:00

If I have a weird dream who do I go to? Is a famine of eight years coming? Look into the sky and speak to God on the Jesus hot-line. Tell me the future you magnificent bastard. Make me forewarned or tell me how to prepare or make hast or play parchesie. Hey that's a fun word to say Parchesie...Parchesie...Parchesie Parchesie No more philosophy Chachi.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1095803761262144432004-09-21T14:37:00.000-07:002004-09-21T15:00:12.566-07:00

Some days I feel responsible for everything that is wrong: Famine disease pestilence Irregular Bowl Syndrome Words beginning with the letter "Q" The comedy styling of Dat Phan Blue toilet water Sweet potato pie (a pie made from vegetables) The smell of corn nuts Spandex worn by fat chicks The sound of flip-flops sticking to the bottom of peoples sweaty feet etc...

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1095720163224507182004-09-20T15:23:00.000-07:002004-09-21T10:00:22.173-07:00

Reason why I'm fat: 1. My favorite vegetable is carrot cake 2. If it goes on a bun or can be coated with cheese I'll eat it 3. Atkins diet is great with garlic cheesy bread 4. Recommended dinner portions are my side dishes 5. Go large- I already did 6. The words double and bacon goes with just about everything 7. I think that guy from King of Queens is funny 8. The color of my couch

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1095276163634847692004-09-15T13:17:00.000-07:002004-09-15T12:22:43.636-07:00

Thank yo'all for the helpful rhymes to bung-hole in one of my previous blog's. But in all confessions I wasn't actually working on a poem. I just wanted to use the word bung-hole. (now I've used it three times) Thanks! I know I'm a cusser.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1095274995453105672004-09-15T11:55:00.000-07:002004-09-15T12:16:39.480-07:00

Play to win. Remember to "Play". Do what others won't. Strive for excellence. Our value is in doing what is hard. Doing what is easy has no value. You can't win the game unless your in the game. No risk equals no gain. Your good enough. Strong enough. And people like you. Yada Yada Yada And other various Corporate Bull Shit

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1094770376642538172004-09-09T15:51:00.000-07:002004-09-09T15:52:56.643-07:00

I'm in the middle of creating a poem when I think... What rhymes with bung whole?

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1092250327929453622004-08-11T11:40:00.000-07:002004-08-11T11:52:07.930-07:00

My favorite flavor is orange or white. I like it melted on a tortilla or melted on bread with butter or a slice with a pickle and ham standing in front of the refrigerator with the door wide open...Naked. I got two words PIZ -- ZA (cheese with fatty meats). Cheese makes my salad a meal worth eating. Cheese makes me worm when its cold. It turns my chips into Nachos (now that's continental) Is it

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1091558893017024852004-08-03T11:44:00.000-07:002004-08-03T11:48:13.016-07:00

Hey does my arm pit smell like cheese? Do my feet smell like hickory? Is that my ass or is that the smell of rotten pork? Why does my breath smell like your scalp?

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-10903418020520272004-07-20T09:34:00.000-07:002004-08-11T11:40:44.640-07:00

At least when I was younger and getting four hours of sleep a night I was drunk. $ .35 per pee. (diaper + whipes + powder + lotion) My wife smells like milk. (her own brand too) Ok 17 years 11 months and 1 week and she is out of here. Damn she has my head. - poor kid Is it just me, or are they more beautiful when they sleep.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1088722917044931702004-07-01T15:58:00.000-07:002004-07-01T16:01:57.043-07:00

I'm a daddy again!! Allison Elizabeth Duck Born June 22 - 8 pounds 14 oz 21 inches Now when I ask who's your daddy? Two people will answer that I am.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1087316733844637732004-06-15T09:23:00.000-07:002004-06-15T09:27:49.503-07:00

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday the regular crowd shuffles in There's an old man sitting next to me Makin' love to his tonic and gin He say, Son can you play me a memory I'm not really sure how it goes But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete When I wore a younger man's clothes Da da da de de da da da de de da da da Sing us a song, you're the piano man sing us a song tonight

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1086631111621202152004-06-07T10:33:00.000-07:002004-06-07T10:58:31.620-07:00

Next Thursday I am scheduled to be a Dad for the second time. Isn't it weird that we can schedule things like that. I look at my calendar the doctor looks at their calendar. Yea Thursday's good for me, how 'bout you. Around noonish ok for you. Spent the last week or so disenfecting for the new born. What, is my filth not good enough for her. It's not like she is going to run out my wife's crotch

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1085606573017975402004-05-26T14:21:00.000-07:002004-05-26T14:22:53.016-07:00

This may very well be my middle name.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1084923833074131702004-05-18T16:38:00.000-07:002004-05-18T16:49:47.216-07:00

On my beard you pervs. What kind of sick person do you think I am?? Nevermind; Point taken.

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1084302647229200282004-05-11T11:32:00.000-07:002004-05-11T12:36:25.040-07:00

I was drunk. I was dancing. I literally ran into her on the dance floor. I thought her name was Sheri. When the cops came and broke up the party I didn't get her number. A few days latter she saw me by chance on campus (both our classes had been canceled that day). It turned out her name was Jennifer. We exchanged numbers, had a few great conversations over the phone. Set a date. It turned out

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1084211498134795902004-05-10T10:34:00.000-07:002004-05-10T10:53:19.616-07:00

What's the deal with my Big Toe. It has a little afro growing on it. It always had a little hair on it. But damn now it's a fro. My feet already smell like French Cheese, Now they're hairy too. I guess I'll just were shoes every where. In the shower, in the pool, to bed. People will see me on the street and say "Hey there goes that guy who never takes his shoes off!" and I'll have a snappy come

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1083800296567054242004-05-05T16:38:00.000-07:002004-05-05T16:42:42.076-07:00

Sometimes I just want to punch someone in the stomach. It could be you. But I am to much of a puss to hit anyone. You're so lucky. ______________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1083799988751602512004-05-05T16:33:00.000-07:002004-05-05T16:37:34.326-07:00

My ass itches. Kip has just left California. Those two comments are not related. _____________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1083165525456737922004-04-28T08:18:00.000-07:002004-04-28T08:24:19.873-07:00

Sit up straight. Push yourself down. Curl those toes. Listen if anyone is around. Contemplate the long walk to the restroom. Shuffle some paper work. Fart deep into your chair. Turn on the fan. ___________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1082670713677223182004-04-22T14:51:00.000-07:002004-04-22T14:56:01.043-07:00

The Devil Went Down To Georgia The devil went down to Georgia He was looking for a soul to steal And he was in a bind 'Cause he was way behind And was willin' to make a deal. When he came upon this young man playing a fiddle and playin' it hot the devil jumped up on a hickory stump and said, "Boy let me tell you what: I bet you didn't know it but I'm a fiddle player too, And if you care to

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1082057831817552462004-04-15T12:37:00.000-07:002004-04-15T12:47:21.390-07:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1081280557843345802004-04-06T12:42:00.000-07:002004-04-06T12:46:23.216-07:00

I love titties I love to bite them, grab them, pinch them suckle them I love to see them feel them have them accidentally brush against me I love them big small one of each I love purple, pink, brown nipples as accents I love them in wet t-shirts in bikini's in blouse

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1080852057604167522004-04-01T12:40:00.000-08:002004-04-01T12:44:36.170-08:00

I just stared at the wall for the last 15 minutes. Opened my e-mail saw 3 unread messages; closed it without reading any of them. Looked at the red light on my phone (indicating voice mail) didn't answer it. Over the intercom they announced I had a call holding; went to the restroom and washed my face until someone else picked up that call. I think I'll go to lunch now maybe I'll get a burger

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1080671291294510642004-03-30T10:28:00.000-08:002004-04-01T12:34:59.716-08:00

I woke this morning and had to take a chisel through the snot that had built around my nose. No Gold. My voice sounds like Barry White. No rhythm. taking three yellow pills every 6 hours. No high. (God bless Elvis) ______________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1080244265208747942004-03-25T11:51:00.000-08:002004-03-26T07:46:11.873-08:00

I've been alone with you inside my mind And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times I sometimes see you pass outside my door Hello, is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide 'Cause you know just what to say And you know just what to do And I want to tell you so much, I love you ... I

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1080242006910179392004-03-25T11:13:00.000-08:002004-03-25T11:17:06.076-08:00

I farted into the air-conditioning intake; blowed my pungency throughout the office. I'm a giver. _____________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1080066090587613282004-03-23T10:21:00.000-08:002004-03-23T10:24:57.030-08:00

Buy a lotto ticket. Spend it in your head. Crap on your bosses desk. Live how you like. Live in a house on a hill or on the water. Eat out every day. Have a maid clean the toilet. (don't even bother checking the numbers, you can't win) You only buy the tickets for the dream anyhow. ______________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1079996270186798342004-03-22T14:57:00.000-08:002004-03-22T15:01:14.903-08:00

dis·en·fran·chise [ dìssən frán chz ] (past dis·en·fran·chised, past participle dis·en·fran·chised, present participle dis·en·fran·chis·ing, 3rd person present singular dis·en·fran·chis·es) transitive verb deprive of right, especially voting: to deprive a person or organization of a privilege, immunity, or legal right, especially the right to vote ________________________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1078788145462668232004-03-08T15:22:00.000-08:002004-03-08T16:11:35.246-08:00

What they say... Hey, I like you shirt. What they Mean... That is the ugliest shirt I have ever seen. Someone should jam a fork in your ear for wearing it. What they say... I like this guy, he has a quirky sense of humor and an unique style of dressing. What they mean... Fag What they say... We are going to have to reevaluate some of our expenses this quarter. What they mean... Your next on

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1077212479863079062004-02-19T09:41:00.000-08:002004-02-19T13:06:35.746-08:00

I swear if I shit any bigger I think my ass will blow up. I shot one out that had the curve of my intestinal track. I don't recall eating any thing that big. It had to separate shades of brown; what was that lunch and the dinner. Come on honey come take a look. _____________________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1076357150429119002004-02-09T12:05:00.000-08:002004-02-09T12:08:17.996-08:00

A man was feeling terribly out of sorts and decided to go to the doctor so he made an appointment and showed up the next day. After the doctor examined the man, the doctor invited him into his office for the consultation. The doctor came into the room with three different bottles of pills. The doctor told the man to take the red pill in the morning with a big glass of water, the blue pill in

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1076354274244147322004-02-09T11:17:00.000-08:002004-03-16T14:39:53.200-08:00

2 tb Worcestershire sauce 1 tb Starch,dissolved in 2Tb-water 2 tb Light Soy sauce 1 ts Sugar 1 3-4 lb Long Island Duck Combine the first three ingredients, coat the duck and let stand 2 hrs. Fill a steamer pan with water 1 1/2" deep. Place duck on rack breast side up, reserving marinade . Cover, bring water to boil and steam 30 min. Skim fat from steaming juice

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1075927112064360322004-02-04T12:38:00.000-08:002004-02-04T12:44:27.263-08:00

vul·gar [ vúlgər ] adjective 1. crude and indecent: crude or obscene, particularly about sex or bodily functions 2. tastelessly ostentatious: showing a lack of taste or reasonable moderation 3. lacking refinement: lacking in courtesy and manners 4. language of ordinary people’s language: relating to a form of a language spoken by ordinary people 5. of ordinary people: characteristic of or

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1075917447686027772004-02-04T09:57:00.000-08:002004-02-19T09:33:35.403-08:00

1. I know the perfect place to hide a body 2. I love the smell of ear wax 3. Potsy's cool 4. I've just sat on my balls 5. No I didn't see the Superbowl; I was watching Dawson's Creek 6. That wasn't the sewer, that was me 7. I'm trying to only masturbate twice a week 8. Just flex your ass checks to scratch your itchy hole 9. My feet smell like cheese _________________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1075916891314776352004-02-04T09:48:00.000-08:002004-02-04T11:24:49.293-08:00

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ___________________________________

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1074274958948818812004-01-16T09:42:00.000-08:002004-01-16T12:30:06.700-08:00

All throughout Europe there are cathedrals built by unknown architects. These great buildings are monuments to the peoples' faith in their Church and to their God. These monuments would take over 100 years to completely construct. Generation after generation of laborers, painters, and artisans dedicated there entire lives in completion of these churches. The architect who designed them knew that

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5938531.post-1073575814565154612004-01-08T07:30:00.000-08:002004-01-08T07:52:04.766-08:00

Have you ever been in a private conversation about someone when that person comes up and wants to talk. Well you can't very well just stop talking and then look at them.(then they will know you were talking about them). So what you have to do is quickly change the topic and the engage the oncoming person in conversation. The following are some quick suggestions on what to say to transition out

Mr.Duckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02261465849318909582noreply@blogger.com0